by Pamela Levin, R.N.,
T.S.T.A.
Pamela Levin is an R.N. and a
Teaching and Supervising Transactional Analyst with
600+ postgraduate hours in clinical nutrition,
herbology and applied kinesiology. In private
practice 48 years, she has seen
first-hand the commonalities between the emotional
tasks of infants and children and those of adults.
She teaches her award-winning work on the process of
healthy emotional development throughout life
in
Emotional Development
101. [your affiliate
link to
ed101]
O
ne of the most
terrifying things about raising young children is
that they have no boundaries of their
own. Which means that as their
parent, you have to be on the alert constantly to
provide healthy
boundaries for
them.
Setting healthy boundaries is
a major
portion of any parent's
job.
As an adult, your relationship with
your children is only one place that calls for healthy
boundaries - in fact setting healthy boundaries in
relationships of any kind is part of making your life work
well.
What are boundaries, anyway, and why do
we need to have personal boundaries?
Here are twelve facts about relationship
boundaries that address these questions:
When you establish a healthy boundary,
you:
1.
Indicate a border or
limit (I can talk to you for five
minutes right now, then I need to
leave);
2.
Say
"this far and no farther" (I am glad to hear what you
have to say on this subject, but I am not
going to
comment on it at this
time."
3.
Define a consequence if you need to
for what will happen if the boundary is
violated ; (If you keep picking your
nose at the dinner table, you will need to eat by
yourself and you can try again tomorrow. If you keep
interrupting me, I am going to call you on it, even
if it's in front of your
friends.)
4.
Can state your responsibility as
one person. In other words, you can say
what you will and will not be responsible
for, or
do.(I will prepare dinner four times this week.
I will keep the car gassed up, I will not take the
car in for the next
servicing.)
5.
Can define responsibilities divided
between 2 or more people. (You pick up the
groceries, I'll cook. You cook, I'll clean
up.)
6,
Prevent
double work. By establishing who will do what,
you prevent duplicating work because the other person or
people didn't realize the other person was going to do
it.
7.
C
an
define the limits of your own ability to cope
or carry out a task. (I can do ten situps
today and that's all. I can run a mile today without
caving in since I'm newly recovered from the flu. I'm
not going to talk about so-and-so's death right - I
need to keep my composure at
work.)
8.
Establish protection for
yourself, a child, a relationship or personal
property.
(I'm not going to see you in person today since you
still have the flu. Johnny, stay here where I
can see you and don't go close to the edge of the
pool. I'm going to wait to bring up this touchy
subject with so-and-so until he/she's had a good
night's sleep.
9.
Bestow the power to safeguard your
own happiness, & well-being on yourself instead
of some outside source that might or might not
deliver for you. (I am going to go to the party
tonight and have a good time whether or not so-and-so
shows up as promised.)
10.
Award
command of your own self definition to
yourself,
separate from the world around you. (So-and-so called
me lazy today, but I'm not lazy; in fact I'm quite
industrious.)
11.
K
eep things that are good for you
inside yourself and prevent things that are bad for
you from
entering. (I'm sure glad I
don't have to accept so-and-so's taste in music for
myself, as that last selection sounded like just so
much noise to
me.
12.
And
last, most important to your physical health and well
being: When you set boundaries, you create
instructions in your brain about what
is 'me' and what is 'not me'. In
turn, these instructions inform your body's immune
system about what to attack and attempt to get rid
of, and what to allow as part of
yourself.
Note: This is one of the many
topics on healthy emotional development and healthy
emotional relationships covered in Emotional
Development 101. Click here for details. [affiliate product link][your
clickbank link]
Tags: boundaries what are boundaries what is a healthy relationship boundary definition definition of boundary set boundaries setting boundaries